The shadow is such that it cannot be directly seen or perceived by your accustomed self.
Special effort and alignment must be made and the right context must be created in order to have the seeing necessary.
Even once the seeing is there special conditions must be applied, such as deeply correct intention and deeply correct surrender.
In order to understand the shadow correctly you must realign yourself totally with forces and influences that can nurture these special circumstances and reinforce right intention.
To make a small or partial effort can be very confusing. To find the forces within in order to make a total conscious effort will require a total investment and commitment. You will need to work on all lines of the work.
The way that can look will vary from person to person. Some will require a formal mystery school. Some will need a pure hearted intention along with right karma. Others can accidentally on purpose stumble upon all the right elements. The main thing is that once the right conditions arise you should not escape yourself no matter how dark or painful things may become.